Après Mudita: que faire quand on n’arrive pas à ressentir de la joie pour quelqu'un

After my last newsletter (Mudita – the antidote to toxicity?) many of you wrote and shared vulnerably with me about this truth: 'This is beautiful, but it's hard. What do I do when I can't feel happy for them?'

The text Path to Freedom describes Mudita in this way: When one sees or hears some person’s qualities are esteemed by others and that person is at peace and is joyful, one thinks: “Sadhu! Sadhu! May he continue joyful for a long time!” (Sadhu means great)

The path to Mudita isn't about bypassing our difficult feelings but tending to them with kindness first. In Buddhism, the idea of "turning the light inwards" before we can genuinely connect with another's joy shows that we must acknowledge our own inner weather without judgment first.

Here are a few ways you can do this:

1. The "acknowledgment & allow" pause: When you notice envy or resentment arise, briefly pause and internally say, "This is a moment of suffering. It's okay I feel this way." This simple act of naming the feeling drains it of its power and creates a tiny space between the trigger and your reaction.
2. The "separate the strands" inquiry: When the pang of envy or the cloud of resentment arises, try not to judge it as "bad" or push it away. Instead, see if you can get curious about it for a moment. Imagine the feeling not as a solid block, but as a tangled knot of yarn. Our work isn't to cut the knot, but with gentle patience, to loosen the strands to see what it’s made of. "Is my discomfort about their joy, or is it about my own fear? Fear I'm falling behind? Fear that their gain is my loss?" Often, the block isn't about the other person at all, but about our own personal narrative of lack or insecurity.
3. The "wish for oneself" bridge: this can be seen as a practical step from practicing Metta (loving-kindness). If a friend's promotion stirs envy, you might first wish for your own stability and opportunities. Once you've tended to that inner ache, you'll often find a clearer space from which you can then genuinely reconnect with happiness for them.

The moments where Mudita feels impossible are not roadblocks; they are the most important part of the practice. They are invitations for self-compassion, which is the unshakable foundation upon which all other empathetic joy is built. The ultimate message is one of relief: your capacity for Mudita isn't broken when you feel envy; it's simply waiting for you to care for the part of you that hurts first.

Here is where you can find essences that will help with self-compassion.